PEOPLE CONNECTIONS, PART 4: A FORGIVING HEART

Matthew 18:21-35; Luke 6:27-28 (NASB)
David Bruce Linn, Pastor-Teacher
24 April, 2005
All Rights Reserved

The two main characters in the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen spend the bulk of the story far apart from one another. Mr. D'Arcy is a rich and marriageable nobleman who falls in love with beautiful and vivacious Miss Elisabeth Bennett from afar. The problem is that he cannot forgive her for being common born. She, for her part, cannot forgive him for being snobbish. In addition, Miss Bennett holds Mr. D'Arcy accountable for a false story she has heard about him where he did someone great harm.

In a dramatic encounter beginning with a marriage proposal the two have an emotional collision and injure one another dreadfully with their words. It seems that the chance for a relationship is destroyed. Yet after time and many changes of circumstance they meet again. Their hearts have softened toward one another. Miss Bennett says: "I'm ashamed to remember my feelings....abusing you so abominably to your face..." D'Arcy replies: "What did you say of me that I did not deserve? My behavior toward you at that time was unpardonable....I have been a selfish being all my life. As a child I was given good principles but I was left to follow them in pride and conceit." In a flash all the walls between them come tumbling down, and an engagement shortly ensues. The people connection which had previously been impossible now comes to pass and consummates in marriage!

Our people connections often suffer from a lack of forgiveness. When we inevitably harm one another we struggle to release people from our personal judgment of them. We also do not want to get hurt again, so for several reasons our people connections become damaged and broken, even with those whom we love. In our last study we saw that genuine forgiveness is the only path to the repair of our people connections. Ken Sande in his book The Peacemaker explained that forgiveness requires us to make the following four faith commitments to a person who has harmed us: "I will not dwell on this incident. I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you. I will not talk to others about this incident. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship" (3rd ed., p. 209).

You can see the dramatic freedom that genuine forgiveness grants to others. But if you are a normal human being these four commitments can make you feel somewhat hopeless. We look inside our own hearts and wonder how we could ever be that forgiving. This is a wonderfully accurate insight! The God-kind of total forgiveness is not within the capacity of the unaided human heart.

1. COMPASSION DRIVES FORGIVENESS

Let's look at a dramatic story Jesus told to shock us with the wonder of true forgiveness in Matthew 18:21 and following. It begins with a piercing question: "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven' (Matthew 18:21-22).

Peter seemed to think that he had a limited amount of forgiveness to give. If someone required extra, he might run out. I think we all share that fear. But was Jesus' answer really about the number? Once we get our mind off of the numbers we can see that the only way Jesus could say that we should forgive an uncountable number of times is that there must some source which can generate forgiveness endlessly. Limitlessness is obviously a characteristic of God alone, and so Jesus is pointing us to a reality which is beyond us. A heart of forgiveness knows no limits--and God is the only one with a heart like that!

Jesus followed up his answer with a story: "For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.' And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt" (Matthew 18:23-27).

There are two points to this part of the story. First, a heart of compassion can cancel even a debt which is impossible to pay. A study of the amount which this slave owed reveals that it was an unpayable amount. There is no offense or number of offenses which God cannot forgive based on the death and resurrection of Christ. There should be no depth or number of offenses which we are unwilling to forgive. This is radical! I hope you are feeling shocked.

Second, a heart of compassion releases people as a gift. The king in the story does not demand anything in return for this expression of forgiveness. It is an act of naked grace. A king is free to cancel the debt of anyone he wishes, and God is King above all kings. We all know that forgiveness with conditions attached is not really forgiveness, it's really a deal we are cutting with someone else. We ennoble ourselves when we forgive like God does.

The next part of the story teaches us that forgiveness toward others is not automatic even for those who have themselves been forgiven: "But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.' So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.' But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?'" (Matthew 18:28-33).

Even the forgiven are in danger of unforgiveness toward others. No godly behavior in Christ is automatic. Every single step of our walk with Christ must be chosen by faith. The king understood the heart of compassion by which he chose to forgive his slave, but the slave did not. The slave was merciless with others. Each revealed what was in his heart.

If we are inclined to wiggle out of the seriousness of our need to forgive others Jesus summarized the story for us: "And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart" (Matthew 18:34-35). Is he saying that a believer who fails to forgive someone will be sent to hell? No, but those who say they are believers and yet reveal a merciless heart toward others reveal that they are already on the road to hell. They prove by their outward actions that their hearts are unchanged. A genuine servant of Christ reveals God's compassionate heart in acts of healing forgiveness.

Thomas Edison used to take several hundred man-hours to make a single prototype incandescent light bulb in his lab. One day he handed a new bulb to a boy to bring to the testing room. The boy bobbled it and it smashed on the floor. Instead of rebuking him, Edison reassured him and instructed his workers to begin another. When the next bulb was made, Edison took it to the same boy, handed it to him and said: "Please take this up to the testing room." (Peacemaker, p.222) Imagine how that boy felt when he knew his unpayable debt was forgiven by an act of compassion on Edison's part. Their people connection was not only restored, it was strengthened. Our people connections will be strengthened by a compassionate heart as well. How do we get a heart like that? There is an important question we must answer before we deal with the path to a forgiving heart.

2. THE TWO STAGES OF FORGIVENESS

When should we offer forgiveness to someone who has harmed us? Do we wait for them to ask forgiveness, or just give it? There is a necessary sequence here we must observe, and it begins with an attitude of inward forgiveness which Jesus described as unconditional in nature: "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" (Luke 6:27-28). This is the description of a truly free person whose soul is full of peace because he or she holds nothing against anyone. It does not mean that such a person does not have sorrow about bad experiences and difficult relationships. It does mean that he or she walks in an attitude of forgiveness which bears fruit in outward actions.

This is the necessary steady state of every forgiven soul. God forgives us so we forgive others. If someone has harmed us greatly it is even more important that we release them in our hearts, saving both parties from the poison of unforgiveness. If such a person should someday come to ask us for forgiveness, we will then be able to do so! But if we live in bitterness and judgment of others we will not be prepared to give the gift of forgiveness to them should they ever ask.

The second stage is the outward act of forgiveness. For this Jesus said we should wait for repentance on the other's part: "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4). This may not be spontaneous. You may have to initiate a conversation to help the other person understand how you were harmed. This may also be the time to involve a mediator or auditor. In addition, there are many small sins and offenses against us which are not worth the trouble of this process. If God gives you the strength to simply overlook something, just do it! But let us never forget the basic principle of salvation that forgiveness of sins is granted on condition of repentance. When we grant forgiveness to those who have harmed us it should be on this unvarying principle.

3. THE PATH TO A COMPASSIONATE, FORGIVING HEART

So what is the path to a compassionate, forgiving heart? God gave the prophet Ezekiel this promise to give to Israel as a description of the New Covenant in which we now stand: "Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26). How do you get a heart of flesh to replace your heart of stone? God will give it to you!

If you have trusted Christ for salvation God has already done a heart transplant on you. So why do you still struggle with forgiveness? As we said already, God has placed the development of godliness in the area of faith. We must work to grow in our faith, to stretch and exercise it with a heart continually open to change. The bottom line is this: we must choose the attitude of compassion and forgiveness without waiting for the feelings or even repentance on the part of the other. When we do we will walk into the heart change we so desperately need. Jesus rewards faith!

Let's take Jesus' instructions in Luke 6:27-28 out of order and put them in the order we would use to activate heart change. He says: "pray for those who mistreat you." This is what changes our mind about others. When we pray for those who have harmed us we must pray for what God would consider good for them, not just that they would repent of harming us. This is an act by which we move into the Gulf Stream flow of God's will and begin to be borne along by his strength. Pray for them to meet Jesus, for their children, their health, and their safety.

Secondly, Jesus instructs us: "bless those who curse you." Now we are no longer just in our own minds and private prayers, but we move into actually saying good things to those who have harmed us. The same lips can curse or bless, and Christ commands that we speak kindness. It is in fact the kindness of God which leads us to repentance! It is our kind words which move others toward God. When we condemn we move others away. Thirdly, Jesus tells us to "do good to those who hate you." Now we have moved beyond thoughts and words and have entered the realm of behavior. Find a way to do helpful things for them because that is what God is like and we are becoming like him.

This is not merely behavior modification therapy. When we pray, speak, and act well toward those who have harmed us we repudiate the heart of stone we used to have and we activate the heart of flesh God has given to those who believe in his Son. As we pray, speak, and act by faith we discover this radically changed heart God has put within us. And when we do, we discover that the unthinkable demands of true forgiveness become not only possible, but normal.

CONCLUSION

What more broken people connections could there be than between Nazis and the people they abused so horribly? Does anything we have experienced rise to that level? Corrie ten Boom was a woman who lived through the Second World War. She and her family were thrown into concentration camps for seeking to save the lives of Jews. Her father and sister died there. After the war Corrie became a powerful instrument for God to teach people the real gospel of genuine forgiveness in Christ.

The Lord tested her message when, after having shared in church about forgiveness in Christ, she found herself face to face with one of her Nazi jailors. He had heard her message of forgiveness, said how glad he was for it, and then he stuck out his hand. Corrie writes: "And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendall about the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

"Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? 'Lord Jesus,' I prayed, 'forgive me and help me to forgive him.'

"I tried to smile. I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. 'Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness.' As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while in my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

"So I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on him. When he tells us to love our enemies, he gives, along with the command, the love itself" (Sande, p. 218).

Well now, doesn't that real story beat the fictional reconciliation of Elisabeth Bennett and Mr. D'Arcy? Jane Austen provides no explanation for their change of heart. Corrie ten Boom drives right to the core of all that is most real: "I have nothing," she says, "but Jesus has everything I need." What an act of faith to reach out her hand to her Nazi torturer, motivated by no feeling at all, but as an act of naked faith in Christ. Her heart was transformed! The compassion of Christ empowered her act of forgiveness as she walked into it by faith.

Will you forgive those in your own life and set them free? Will you act on naked faith and thus discover your heart of flesh? Others wait to be released by you, and God is waiting for you to discover who you are in Christ. Every one of your people connections depends on it.