TOTAL LIFE WORSHIP, PART 5: FAMILY

Ephesians 4:29-32; Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NASB)
David Bruce Linn, Pastor-Teacher
24 November, 2002
All Rights Reserved

I. JUSTIN TELLS HIS MOMMY

June stood outside the elaborate carved mahogany door of the drawing room, listening to intermittent sobs and wondering what to do. She was only a nanny--not really a family member--how could she interfere? Her boss, Christine Ragsdale, wife of rock star Mick Ragsdale, had zoomed into the garage, hurriedly taken her son Justin to his bedroom upstairs, and then retreated to the drawing room. The door--which was worth more than a year of June’s wages--had slammed with a startling bang. She heard a rough boy-cry from Justin’s room and then the house fell quiet except for the tick-tick of the antique grandfather clock in the hall. “He’s probably playing with his new video game,” June thought. She longed to comfort him like a mother would her own child because Justin, son of full-goose bonzo rockers, had become dear to her.

It was June who did the parenting when Mick and Christine were bombed out of their gourds or flying on the drug of the month. It was June who ran to Justin’s room when he had night terrors. It was June who helped him with homework and made sure he took his medicine when he was sick. She may not have been the real mommy, but she loved the little guy.

That’s why June was frozen in place in the hallway. She was part of the family, but not blood. June cared about Christine, too. When she was first hired June found it easy to judge Christine in her heart, but eventually she realized that for all her furs and Italian designer boots, Christine was a broken thing. The rock and roll lifestyle was eating her alive. June’s quiet condemnation had turned to pity and then to affection.

The change of heart was partly from getting to know Christine better and partly from learning about Mick’s infidelities. They were an open secret about which the two women never spoke, but June’s heart went out to Christine every time she had to endure another of monster Mick’s sexual dalliances. June knew the signs and saw the grief in Christine’s face. More than once June had locked eyes with Christine and given her a knowing, sympathetic look. Christine would look longingly back, drinking in the grace of feminine fellowship, knowing that she knew.

June remained riveted to the oriental carpet outside the lavish room of sorrows wanting to go to Christine but blocked by the invisible barriers of English social convention--like family, but never to be family, unless... As if in a vision, thoughts of another, higher family began to flood June’s mind. She pictured widows being cared for by those who were not blood, but who cared more than most blood relatives would have done. She saw the lonely touched with a comfort beyond the human. June felt her own unfathomably deep connection to a family which stretched beyond this world. She remembered the One who had welcomed her, and the thought of that One shattered her indecision.

June’s feet came unriveted from the floor and she bounded up the steps to Justin’s room. She knocked gently, and called: “Justin, it’s me, June. Are you O.K., poppet?” There was no answer. June twisted the crystal doorknob and gave the door a soft push.

Justin was on his knees leaning on the bed and running his favorite fire truck back and forth on the spread. His face was red with crying and he had a shell-shocked look. June knelt beside him and pulled him close. He collapsed into her warm, expansive safety. She was his big sister, auntie, and angel of God all rolled into one. After a moment, Justin looked up and bawled: “Mum told Dad not to come home--ever again!” The helpless misery of a child was writ large on his face.

June thanked God that there was a family above this broken family. Tears streaked her face as she remembered the day Justin, just a little boy then, had met his heavenly Father by praying a simple prayer of faith in Christ. He needed a Father who would never let him down. June felt prayer bubbling up from within her, and her lips gave voice: “Great Father, we thank you that you will never leave us. Thank you that your love is new every morning toward those who trust in you. Lord, I ask that you reveal your love and mercy to Mum, Dad, and Justin right now. They need you so much. Amen.” Justin prayed his own prayer: “God, please fix my mommy and daddy. Amen.”

Christine did not know that her lowly nanny had led her son to Christ and prayed with him every night. “Sssh, don’t tell Mum!” June had always said to Justin, fearing for her position. Justin let out a long breath, swiveled his round face up to her and asked a question he had repeated almost every night: “Is it time to tell now?” On every previous occasion the answer had been: “Not yet, little one.” This time June, the angel nanny sister auntie, said: “I think it’s time.”

They rose, held hands, and descended the immense staircase together. All of June’s prior hesitation was now gone. At that moment a little boy with bare feet became a messenger for the most high God. They opened the drawing room door and went in.

II. COMMON GRACE IN THE FAMILY

All people are automatically better off when part of a family organized God’s way. The Bible says that “...in him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17b) and that includes the family. Race, creed, and color do not matter because this is part of the common grace of God. Even if things are difficult in a family there is a benefit to being together. Children know this intuitively. Little Justin was devastated by the possible breakup of his family more than by the specific troubles they had. Apart from any problems in a family a breakup is a separate disaster because it discards the blessing of God on the family structure.

By the same token, let us not imagine that the family is automatically good for each of its members. The family fell into confusion with the rest of God’s creation and must be redeemed by the choice of each member. That explains why the Apostle Paul writes that the unbelieving families of believing people are “sanctified”: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Corinthians 7:14). It does not mean that they are saved or that they are saints The terms “sanctified” and “holy” can have the idea of “set apart.” It means that unbelieving family members have a special status because of having even a single believer among them. Some redemptive holiness is present in that family in addition to common grace. The privileged possibility of salvation and transformation have come near those people. While it is a blessing on all families, we must remember that common grace can neither save nor regenerate anyone.

But it is very easy for the sorrows of sin in a family to overcome the benefits of common grace. Jesus commented to the Jewish people of the first century that Moses permitted divorce “...because of your hardness of heart” (Matthew 19:8). The hardness of our hearts is flinty and cutting and strong, and it can overwhelm the common grace left in the family. Paul envisioned marriages where wives would have to flee abuse, and allowed for the possibility of a separation which would have reconciliation as its goal: “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and that the husband should not send his wife away” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

All this is to say that the family is fallen and its potential blessings must be reclaimed by the redemption and transformation of the people in it. C. S. Lewis wrote that many people seem to have a Pollyanna’s view of the family, as if it is an ultimate good. Not so, he said. The family is fallen and must be redeemed. It’s up to believers to perform brave acts of faith to make the family an instrument of worship.

III. THE FAMILY AS INSTRUMENT OF WORSHIP

It’s important how we try to go about doing that. I do not think that we should hold miniature church services in our homes. That’s not what God is asking us to do in the home. If we hold the most excellent mini-services daily and as soon as we are done we return to shredding each other, no good will have been done. God is looking for us to make every aspect of home life an act of worship. In other words: build worship in.

Take how we talk to each other for example. A great short Bible verse to erect in our hearts as a backstop is Philippians 2:14: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” Is there anything unclear about that? I shared that verse with a new Christian recently and she was taken aback: “Is that in the Bible?!?” Oh, yes it is! I fight with myself over this as much as anyone. I find it easy to slide into grumbling about silly things like a dish left in an inconvenient place in the drain; or the garbage can left overflowing; or dirty socks left in the den--oh my, the list is almost infinite in length. But God says: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” The way to worship God at the moment of grumble temptation is to swallow it and then move the dish myself, take out the garbage myself, pick up the dirty socks myself--you get the idea. It does not mean that issues in the family should not be discussed, but God gives a point blank command not to complain.

Paul used a vivid picture to drive the point home: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). The word “unwholesome” literally means “rotten.” So every time some stinking, rotten thought is about to jump out of our mouths, our job is to squelch it, repent, and replace it with something which will minister grace to the hearer. Our calling from God is to use our mouths for “edification,” which means building each other up.

Is this a significant spiritual issue? The next verse in the same passage tells us: “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (Eph. 4:30). Stinking words grieve the heart of God. Remember, he’s not distant. He’s right there in the room with you by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit! If you would not want someone you respect to hear you chewing out a family member, then you really should be motivated by the presence of God. No family issue is only between the people involved. God is the invisible partner to everything.

Paul finishes that thought with a picture of negatives to avoid out of worship for God and positives to embrace for the same reason: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:31-32). Our daily communication with each other in our families will either grieve the heart of God or grant him worship and recognition.

The teaching aspect of home life should reflect total life worship by integrating teaching about God into everything we do. God explained how this is done in Deuteronomy 6:6-9: “And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” We can’t begin to worship God with teaching about him in our homes if the teaching is not already in our own hearts. Then it can spring out of us all over the place.

There are two aspects to this. We seek to work the truth of God into everything we do. When people wonder why we live the way we do, our answer is: “We’re doing things this way because of Jesus!” For example, our entertainment must be managed to keep us from sliding down the slimy path to ungodliness. And it has become harder and harder to do! Network TV is soaked with sexual immorality and pointless violence. Even the Christian channel is troublesome. There is some good programming but my son said to me the other day: “Dad, that’s not the Jesus channel, that’s the ‘me’ channel!” And he’s right, most of it reflects selfishness in Christian terms.

The other aspect to the commands in Deuteronomy is that everything we do in the family should be a spark to teach the truth about God and Christ. So if we build something, then the subject may be the image of God in mankind, or anything which relates. Playing music reflects all sorts of ideas about God being the one who gives us songs in the night, the music of the spheres, and the creation when the morning stars sang together. Little Justin did not have a family which was able to do this for him--but June did it! She was not a blood relative, but she was a functional part of the family. Do not wait for the perfect family to arise, just take whatever you have and turn it to the worship of God.

IV. FAMILY MINISTRY

The family which turns every area to the worship of God is now positioned for family ministry. How does it actually work? We need to understand that churchiness--a deadly mix of institutionalism and traditionalism--has been grafted onto the essential family nature of the true church. So family ministry as an act of worship to God does not look like these secondary matters of churchiness. It looks like barbeques, helping your neighbor with painting or shoveling, fishing trips, quilting, and all the things of normal life. Once you have total life worship going in the family, merely including people in family things becomes ministry!

Don’t invite your friends, neighbors, and relatives to a churchy event in your house. Invite them into your life! Got a child graduating? Give out tickets to the event and have a picnic afterwards. Got a wedding happening? Invite people from your neighborhood. Have a Christmas open house. Sunday nights are a great time to connect relationally because few people have things scheduled for that time. Including people in the normal events of a worshiping family is far more powerful than inviting them to religious events against which they are on their guard.

The beauty of this strategy--which is merely a fulfillment of Biblical commands--is that when people do come to know Christ in a family environment, they will be primed to see the church in its true family nature. They’ll connect as children of God rather than official members of a human religious organization. This is good for everyone!

CONCLUSION

We left little Justin walking hand in hand with his nanny to tell his mom about Jesus. This is an event with explosive portent! Through a faithful nanny the power of God has an entrance to an elite family. How much they need to see the true meaning of life! If God would choose to lead these rock and roll royals to himself, it would have enormous potential to affect many people in their web of relationships.

I am convinced that most people in the foreseeable future will meet the Lord Jesus Christ through personal and family connections. When total life worship is integrated into the family, it becomes a dynamic and fruitful instrument in the hand of God. Thus we fulfill the command of the Lord found in 1 Corinthians 10:31: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”